If a pain becomes constant, does it numb to become nothing then just get more severe?

The title is how i feel about life alot of the time, i get a feeling that something that goes right never can last for me.

I just pray everything goes right in these few months.
I’m praying i enjoy and savor my holiday.
I’m praying i get to essex and back alive.

I keep reading/hearing about people dying, people who were in the public eye, people weren’t even born, people i never knew.

It makes me hurl to contemplate something as horrific as the end of this all.

Here’s a verse of something i’ve secured on paper for awhile and talked to myself about.

Self confidence is my only antidote
It feels like it’s myself thats holding a knife to pale throat
To hold my breath is my release
To take my self apart piece by piece

i’m stood at a starting line
you have whats on my wrist
you’ve held so tight, even through our fight
since we had our very first kiss.

i hate writing songs in a position where they’ll never be remembered.
its as sickening as a funeral.

If anyone ever figures out what these lyrics mean then they deserve a medal.

Life loves to hit me hard

So I thought I’d post a blog because I’ve finished college and I should feel great, truth is over the last 2 months I’ve failed to feel any kind of relief or joy over my success this year.

I’ve achieved so much in 2009 but I’ve realised alot too. Friends have really hit home with me. By that I mean loyalty and the meaning of the word friend has being completely forgotten by some of mine unfortunetly. Also because of my lack of female companionship over the years, I built up this idea of what a relationship should be and I was completely deluded in my idea.

Truth is being alone all my life and not having a partner really isn’t that scary as it once seemed. Weird? Although I have an amazing person in mind and in heart… But it’s all v complicated indeed.. Until next time x

Crunch time

So today is my first English exam and my audition for next year. So my stomach is doing loops atm, amongst other things that are frustrating me.

I passed my driving test the other day! Oh yes! Finally! Everything with SRA is going as good as it possibly could given the current circumstances, which I’m really looking forward to advancing and playing shows.

That’s pretty much everything!

Till next time!

Jord x

So yesterday..

I left Immotus, they didn’t seem at all bothered. 

Which shocked me alittle but i guess the decision was made for the best. I’m about to go to work after having last weekend off because of my elbow. It’s not 100% still i still get the odd pain but i’ve been playing guitar fine and no major discomfort so i guess i can make coffee right?

I had a bit of an argumentative day yesterday but i’m sure it’ll pass, life is abit turbulent at the minute. I want a holiday.. i’m going on one soon actually! with my best budd dom, hopefully we’ll come back with loads of material and fresh ideas.. i’m bursting at the seams! 

There’s lots i want to say to everyone. I’m actually getting sick of my job, i’ve decided i want a normal 9-5 weekend job rather than shifts. But the place were i work is good, i’m just picky i guess.. all the people especially my manager is good to me so i shouldn’t complain.

Time to ready myself for work!

myspace.com/thisisjord
twitter.com/thisisjord

laters! J x

Here.

I always post too late.

My Blogspot got owned, which sucks.

As of today, i’m leaving immotus.

I was dreading practice today ( it got cancelled anyway ) i thought “i shouldn’t be doing this anymore, this isn’t me..”

Then it hit back on me what Timi (Hyland, Singer From Tell It To The Marines) said to me about when he was in a metal band and they got signed and he left because he wasn’t happy. At first i thought he was insane because the thought of being on a label sounds great, but now i know exactly what he mean’t.

Because i’m feeling it now.

I’ve got tonnes of work to do and coming up so i need to just get immotus off my chest, great guys to be with and to play with but not my type of music. I hope that if any of them ever read this they’ll get that all that i wanted to do was fill my musical gap, one which now sadly still lay’s unfilled. I hope i’ve helped them out alot with promotion, direction and stuff. All the best to them.

bit of a dull post for first up, but they’ll get better.

I’ll post soon

Bye! x j